Code of the Ninjurai or Samuinja
by The Qing
Summary: A dangerous bounty hunter attempts to destroy Zim, with hilarios and painful results!
1. The Power of the DSV!

Code of the Ninjurai/Samuinja

By the Qing

Full summary: A half samurai, half ninja warrior (all moron) is sent to destroy Zim once and for all. He appears to be fully prepared to take down the irken invader but he overlooks the greatest threat of all: his own stupidity.

Ch.1 The Power of the DSV!

Location: PLANET DETENTIA,

DSV Headquarters,

On the surface of Planet Detentia in the DSV center, a human-like alien dressed in strange clothing (that seemed to be a cross between a ninja and a samurai) was ranting to a bored vortian lady.

"I am the last of the Ninjurai or Samuinjas! Hiiya!!!"

All of a sudden he chopped the vortian's desk in half. The alien lady just rolled her eyes in reply.

The ranting continued. "What is a Ninjurai you ask, or a Samuinja for that matter." The warrior looked at the vortian for a reply, but got none. "Well anyhow, my father was an galactic samurai from the samurai planet and my mother was a deadly ninja warrior from the ninja planet. Well anyway they got it on and had MEEE!!!! A perfect mix of both warrior races! The ultimate bounty hunting machine! Isn't that impressive?"

The vortian sighed before replying. "Look Mr. Ninja or Samurai or whatever you call yourself."

"Yes?"

"Regardless of your touching introduction, here at the Department of Spacing Violations we enforce our rules and laws with determination. We make universal travel safe and hazard-free as possible." She looked at the Ninjurai/Samuinja who appeared to be half-asleep. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Huh, oh yeah. By the way can I have my spaceship back now, please?"

"No."

The warrior hybrid was clearly confused. "What do you mean no? It's just a small spaceship! Couldn't you cut me some slack?"

"Like I said, here at the DSV we take no favorites, or cut anyone any slack! We even confiscated The Massive once! If you want your ship back there are tests to do, forms to sign, penalties to pay, and don't forget the tip!" the vortian pressed a button on the right half of her destroyed desk…and a huge pile of papers fell from the ceiling and crushed the Ninjurai.

A feeble ouch could be heard from the bottom of the pile followed by the scribbling of a pen. After a while a small beeping noise came from the pile. "Yeesss!!!!!!!! Hiiya!!!!" The Samiunja emerged from the pile triumphant. "That was my job alert watch! Someone must require my INCREDIBLE TALENTS!!!! Let's see what it is!" he pressed a button on his watch and a small hologram screen came out with a message. "Hmmm…an unnamed client wishes that an irken named Zim must be destroyed. And the reward is…500,000 monies!!! Yes, I will do it! To honor my warrior heritage I will not rest until my target is destroyed and I get paid!" he was about to go to Earth and kill Zim when he realized his spaceship was still detained. "After I have completed my paperwork, accomplish the tests, pay for my penalties…and give a tip."


	2. When You Wish Upon A Screaming Star

Ch.2 When You Wish Upon A Screaming Star

Location: DSV Detained Spaceship Parking Lot

The Samuinja couldn't help but smile. It took some doing but he finally managed to get his ship back. It was an impressive ship…well kinda…sort of…actually…not really. But it still looked a bit cool. It had a smooth gray hull, was about the size of a spittle runner, and had a huge silver blade in the front. Though it had many scars, bullet holes and stitches. The warrior still considered the damaged ship as his legacy. He had completed many missions and fought many battles with this ship. And he aimed to fight a thousand more.

"Hey ship! Didja miss me?" he asked his vessel.

"No…not really." The ship's onboard computer answered.

"Too bad, cause I missed you! Hiiya!!!" with a mighty leap the bounty hunter jumped into the ship's open cockpit and put the keys in the ignition. "Now to Earth!!" Nothing happened. He tried again. "Now to Earth!" Still nothing. Frustrated, he resorted to saying…"Now to Earth…please." The ship immediately rocketed into outer space.

"See…being polite pays off." The ship's computer pointed out.

"I'm starting not to like that etiquette program I gave you." The Ninjurai stated. "To our destiny!!! And money!!! But I must tread lightly. For this irken Zim must be incredibly dangerous to have such a **freakishly high** bounty on his head! Who knows what terror he's doing now in his little…terror doing place of terror!"

(Light-years away..)

Zim was contentedly drinking an irken beverage in his orbiting crescent spaceship (The one from the "Bloaty's Pizza Hog" and "Future Dib" episodes.) with his sidekick: Minimoose.

"Gee I sure don't feel like doing any terror now, in my little terror doing place of terror. I'm just going to sit back and enjoy this hideously wonderful view of Earth. And do you know why Minimoose?!" he asked his floating sidekick.

"Squeak!" Minimoose squeaked in reply.

"EXACTLY!!! Because once my most diabolical plan succeeds there won't be a hideously wonderful view of Earth! Just a plain hideous view!" Zim cackled. "BWAHAHAHAH!!!!!! But until then let's wait for GIR to come back with the nachos. Oh such nachos he will bring me!!!"

(A thousand miles away…)

The Samuinja's/Ninjurai's ship had just gotten out of hyperspace. Much to the warrior's great relief. "Ohhh…stupid space-motion sickness…" he complained. He immediately snapped out of his disoriented state when he saw Zim's ship on the radar. "What luck! My prey has come to the predator! Now the samurai part of me wishes for the irken to know of my presence and have an honorable battle with my new found nemesis. Whilst the ninja part of me wants to sneakily destroy him when he isn't looking. Hmmm…well I love my mom more so I'll go with the sneak attack! Hahahahaha!!! Computer…Commence secret katana transformation!!!" Once again nothing happened. Through clenched teeth the desperado said the magic word. "Commence secret katana transformation…PLEASE!!!"

No sooner had the word "PLEASE" escaped his lips, the ship began to transform. In a few moments the entire craft had transformed into a giant samurai sword. "Now I shall target that unwitting alien's ship and launch myself at him! But just to make sure I am successful…" he pressed a button on the command consol. "I will use my cloaking device to make me appear as nothing more than a mere meteor!" Instantly the ship's cloaking system made it look like a huge meteor. "I hope your ready scum. Or in this case, I hope you aren't. BANZAI!!!" The jets of the giant sword flared up and propelled the ship in Zim's direction. Annihilating the irken forever in a blaze of kamikaze attack glory… Or at least that's what should have happened.

(Exterior of Zim's ship)

Whoever said "That in space, no one can here you scream" would feel sorely mistaken if he were outside Zim's ship that very moment. Seeing as how Zim's screams were quite audible through the soundproof layers of vortian steel.

"GIR!!! What took you so long to bring the nachos to Zim?! Wait what are you doing?! Stop!!! NO!!! Don't touch that." As if on cue, the entire orbital spaceship started careening out of control, darting left and right. Causing the deadly space sword to miss Zim completely. Screams could be heard from the Samuinja's falling ship.

This didn't go unnoticed by GIR. "Look master a screaming star! I'm gonna make a wish!"

"GIR you moron! You could have killed us!" Zim blamed.

"Squeak!" Minimoose squeaked in GIR's defense.

"Saved us? Minimoose, have you gone mad!?" Zim asked fiercely. "I mean, sure that screaming meteor would have hit us…But no puny yelling space rock is a match for Zim's mighty base! And…and…ah let's go eat some nachos."

"Yay Nachos!" GIR cheered. "Hey Minimoose, what did you wish for?"

"Squeak!"

"I wished for the exact same thing!" Gir announced before getting his sack of nachos and throwing it at Minimoose in cheesy retribution.


	3. The First Confrontation

Ch. 3 The First Confrontation…Sorta

After eating half their weight in cheese nachos, Zim and both his sidekicks returned to Zim's underground base. But all 3 would-be invaders were unaware that a very angry and burned warrior was watching them from the inside of his damaged ship.

(The Samuinja's/Ninjurai's spaceship)

"Hrrr…impressive Zim, you might be worth my (ouch!)while. Computer! Please watch it with the ointment! I sting easy!" the Ninjurai complained.

"Sorry sir, but I wasn't the one who initiated the super dangerous kamikaze charge. Perhaps if you had listened to your samurai instincts, you might have beaten him without getting these atrocious burns." The computer snapped as it used a mechanical arm to dab ointment on the Samuinja's wounds.

"Fine, I'll engage him in honorable combat!" the bounty hunter shouted. "But not without giving him a dose of this." He pulled out a tiny dart from his belt.

"What's that?"

"Well, computer it's a rare OW! I said easy with the ointment!"

"Sorry, sir."

The Ninjurai quickly blew on his wound, trying to get rid of the pain. "As I was saying, this dart contains a rare poison."

"You're going to poison him?"

"No, I'm not that dishonorable! It's a rare poison that activates almost as soon as it's in the target's system. The victim will instantly become a disoriented, unbalanced wreck. Making the hunt, much more easier." He laughed. "Soon Ow, victory will be Ow! Mine…"

(Zim's front door.)

"_Ha, this security system was easier to infiltrate than I thought!_" the hunter thought to himself. "_I guess my wonderful disguise was able to fool it!_" it turns out that the Ninjurai's "wonderful disguise" was a sack of bran with eyeholes. "_Now to get inside!"_ he immediately pressed the doorbell. Then GIR slowly opened the door. (in his doggy suit.)

"Hey, you a sack of bran! You got me my wish yet?" GIR asked the bran sack samurai.

"You know too much! Heeyaa!!!" The sacked samurai immediately attacked GIR, and after a short fight he had defeated the little robot and entered the base. "That robot put up quite a fight. Now to find the entrance to Zim's real base!" But after 30 minutes of searching, the entrance couldn't be found. "This isn't working. I need someplace to think. But where would I find such a place…" Then he spotted the toilet. "Bingo!" he then jumped to it. "I always think better when I'm sitting dow-" Unfortunately for him, his leap caused him to lose his balance and fall right into the porcelain bowl. "Augghhh!" he screamed, expecting to hit sewage when he reached the bottom. But was instead greeted by solid ground. "Oooooo…wait!" he looked around his new surroundings and realized he was inside Zim's base! (Author Note: remember the toilet entrance?) "Hahahah…Now to find Zim!" the warrior scooted forward with zeal and determination…even if he had no clue where he was going.

(Zim's current whereabouts)

Zim was using a hammer device (picture a normal hammer, only irken.) to put the finishing touches on his latest project. "Now all I need is to power my newest creation, and by this time tomorrow all of humanity shall be wiped off the face of this rotating dirtball!" a feeling of great contentment overcame Zim. "All is right with the universe."

"WARNING! ALL IS NOT RIGHT WITH THE UNIVERSE!" Zim's computer wailed.

"What are you talking about?" the irken asked intensely. "My creation is finished, the humans are unsuspecting and I just ate an entire bowl of NACHHHOOOSSSS!!!! How is that not 'right'?"

"Sensors indicate that a medium-sized spaceship entered Earth's atmosphere at these coordinates!" it told Zim. A small strip of paper came out of a slot near Zim, the irken immediately snatched it away.

"Let me see these coordinates!" Zim barked. But as he examined the paper he couldn't help but snicker. "Computer! Get your sensors checked! Your info is flawed! I should know, I was at these exact space coordinates at the supposed time! All I saw was a tiny, insignificant screaming meteor!"

"Object could have been cloaked."

"You dare challenge the judgment of Zim?! Besides, if it was some cloaked screaming spacecraft, lock on to it's crash sight!"

"Scanning…no crash sight found." The message "Location unknown" flashed on the computer screen.

"Hmmmm…that is strange." Zim pondered. "Computer! List all possible reasons for this."

"Calculating…found 2 results." On the screen flashed the two results the computer could think of.

Zim stared in disbelief…then fell on the floor in a fit of hysterical laughter. "Nuclear Space monkeys is the number one result?! Hahaha, and what's the other one?"

"Bounty hunters."

Zim regained his composure and stood up. "Bounty hunters? Ha! That's even more ridiculous than the Nuclear Space Monkeys! No one would dare to attack Zim!"

"But what about Sizz-lor, Tak, Hobo 678, the Abductors, the Planet Jackers and Dib? Didn't they attack you?" the computer asked.

"Ummm…uh…SILENCE! No one would attack me…at the present moment! And further more-OUCH!" he yelped as he felt a sting on his neck. "What the?" he removed the object from the back of his neck…a dart. "Who could've?" Zim turned around to see…a sack of bran. "Where did that-"

"Aughhh!!!" screamed the bran sack. "I've been discovered!" the sack quickly hopped away.

"Wait! Stop!" Zim ran after it, but as he ran he started to feel woozy. "_Must get help from GIR_." He thought to himself. Zim slowly walked to the elevator and entered the living room. "GIR, GIR where are you?" Zim looked around, but couldn't find the little robot. "Maybe the bran sack destroyed him."

"Hey master!" said a voice from the ceiling. Zim looked up to see GIR stuck in the ceiling's tentacles.

"GIR! How did you…ooohhhh." Zim started to feel disoriented.

"Well this bran sack had my wish and I tried to fight him for it, but he blew me up and he fell down the toilet. And I just saw him go out the door." GIR smiled.

"You moro-oh, something's wrong. I'm getting all unbalanced and disoriented." Zim observed. "Must…stay here…figure out…antidote…but have to…appear at school tomorrow...to look....NORMAL…no…choice…have to test…it now!" Mustering up what little strength he had, Zim gave his computer one last order, before falling unconscious.


	4. Life As A Desk

Ch. 4 Life As A Desk 

Author Note: I hope all of you enjoy reading this fic, as much as I enjoy writing it.

(The Skool)

"_Hehehe…this is great! As soon as Zim enters this room, I will destroy him! And thanks to my latest disguise none of these pea-brained children know of my true nature!" _the Samuinja/Ninjurai thought in his latest disguise, the desk of Ms. Bitters, with of course eye holes.

The day before infecting Zim with the dart, The Samuinja/Ninjurai observed Zim's daily rituals. From what he could gather, Zim came here to keep up his appearance and to avoid suspicion. "And as soon I will destroy him in front of all these witnesses! This poor excuse for a dojo shall be that irken's grave!!!" he laughed, forgetting to keep his mouth shut.

"Hey, Ms. Bitters' desk is talkin' again!" a student called out.

"That's funny." Another student said. "Usually her desk says something more along the lines of…"

(Flashback)

The dreary, repetitive scene of Ms. Bitters class was suddenly broken when Ms. Bitters' desk jumped away and started shouting. "I can't take it anymore! You're all insane! I'm getting out of here!" the desk slapped a student before jumping out the window.

(End Flashback)

Hearing these remarks caused Dib to fume. "I can't believe this. All of you think a talking desk is normal! But as soon as I say Zim is an alien you don't believe me! Why?"

"Sit down Dib!" Poonchy threw a paper ball at him.

"You crazy!" Zeeta yelled, before throwing a paper ball at Dib.

Pretty soon the entire class was throwing paper balls at Dib. Even the disguised Ninjurai threw a ball at the big-headed paranormal investigator just for the heck of it. _"Hm, crazy insane big-headed child, even if he did know Zim was a real alien he seems completely incapable for the job."_ The Samuinja looked at his watch. "_According to my research, the irken should be here in:_

_Five_

_Four _

_Three_

_Two…_

But just as the countdown was about to end, Zim rocketed into the room via some sort of jet boot and quickly got into his seat.

_One?_

"Sorryimlatemydogatemyhomeworkandmybreakfast,soIhadtoquicklygetpreparedforanothernormalschoolday." Zim said in a rushed sentence.

The students all looked at Zim for a few minutes before dismissing the event as if it happened everyday. Except for Dib that is. "Oh come on, didn't anyone find that strange?!" However, despite his best efforts, the class didn't listen to him in the slightest.

"_The child has got a point! That poison I shot Zim with would have left him all loopy and stupid! But instead of being in pain, he has rocket feetz!!!" _the desk shook. "Why does he have rocket feetz!!!!?"

"Silence!!!" a voice from behind his disguised form shouted. The voice sent a chill down the warrior's spine, compelling him to obey. He could feel an aura of pure malice rise up from the depths of darkness. Spindly, spider-like fingers scratched the top of his desk disguise. He quivered in fear of this being, this being that was the ruler of the room, crusher of dreams. He feared this entity, this beast, he feared: Ms. Bitters. "A new desk…great. Class, today's lesson plan is how everything in life is meaningless. Listen carefully…because after this you have to write a two thousand page essay!"

"_This thing…she is no sensei! The mere tone of her voice makes me want to run away!" _the Samuinja shook. "_But I must persevere! A samurai can endure rain, snow, sun, heat and pain! I can outlast her..." _

(3 hours later…)

"Doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed." Ms. Bitters droned on. Unaware that her desk was covered with sweat and babbling incoherently. The madness had taken it's toll and the samurai had weakened. Each word was like a dagger being plunged into his brain.

"I can't take it anymore!!!" the undercover samurai screamed. He jumped away from Ms. Bitters and started pointing at the class. "You're all insane! I'm getting out of here!!!!" The disgruntled fighter slapped a kid in his way and jumped out the window.

"Ms. Bitters, your desk ran away…again." Zootch observed.

"Thank you doomed child, for stating the freakishly obvios. Now go to lunch, all of you!!!" the teacher pointed to the door. After the students had left she pressed a button on the floor. A new desk dropped from the ceiling. She slowly started chaining it to the ground. "_This one's not going to escape anytime soon."_ She smirked.


	5. A Bite to the Death

Ch.5 A Bite to the Death

Author Note: This chapter is a bit confusing, but all will be revealed later on.

Dib eyed his nemesis from across the lunchroom. Staring, menacingly as his foe slowly put spoonfuls of food into his mouth. "Today's the day Gaz! Today's the day I finally expose Zim for the evil space creature he is!"

Gaz was breaking her high score on her Gameslave 2. "Why's he evil again?"

"He's trying to take over the world Gaz! Doesn't that sound evil?" Dib asked.

"Dad tried taking over the world once…" Gaz mumbled.

"Yeah, but that was when he was 19. Everyone wants to take over the world when they're 19!" Dib shouted. "Plus, Zim tries to destroy me! That's definitely evil!"

"I try to destroy you." Gaz said.

"Um…well…you're my sister so you're just spooky! Anyway, that's beside the point. The point is that my latest plan will work! Wanna know why?" Not waiting to hear her response, he fished a gauntlet device (with the word "food" printed on the side,) from his backback. "Remember this Gaz? This was one of my first inventions used against Zim." He carefully put it on. "It's an automated food launcher. I've specifically designed it to shoot both food and extra watery water. Then when I shoot Zim with it, his alien body will react violently causing his alien head to bloat to gigantic proportions in front of all these witnesses!"

"His head will never going to be as big as yours." Gaz scoffed.

"My head's not big!!!…just watch!" Dib jumped to where Zim sat. He pointed the food blaster at Zim's head. "This is it Zim! Now I'll reveal what you really are!"

"A normal human boy?" asked Zim.

"Yes…I mean no! I mean take this!" Dib launched a meatball from his food launcher at Zim. With a sickening splat, the blob of meaty food collided with Zim's face. "Look everyone!" Dib exclaimed. "Look at Zim…"

"Eat like a normal human dirt monkey?" Zim interrupted.

"No! I mean look at him…not burn?" Dib was shocked to see that Zim was unscathed. Completely unaffected by the blast, well except for that spot on his face where a few pieces of the meatball still remained. "What? Why aren't you on the floor in pain?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Zim replied, taking a few bites from his hamburger as he did so.

"_I don't understand."_ Dib thought. _"He must have developed some sort of immunity to the lunch food!" _he quickly made a few adjustments to his food launcher, before raising it at Zim's head: point blank. "Alright Zim, I don't know what you did to not to be all screamy when you're hit with food! But how about a little H2O to clean you up!" a huge jet of water slammed into Zim.

But the irken was once again unscathed. "Thanks, I needed to get those meatball chunks off of me."

Now, Dib was confused. "_Why is this happening? What's happened to Zim?" _

( A few tables away…)

Because of his bewilderment, Dib did not notice the eyes peering out of a nearby lunch box. "_Oh, that had to be the worst 3 hours of my life! That ogress nearly drained the life out of me! How can these children stand her!"_ The Samuinja wondered from the small recesses of the lunch box. "_I must waste no more time! I will strike down my foe now! But first I must arrange a proper fighting ground! And based on my analysis on these students' rituals I know just how to do it!_" he chuckled. If anyone was watching the lunch box they would have noticed the eyes retreat into the box, and a small crossbow pop out of the crack. "FOOOOOOODDDDD FFFFFIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTTT!" he cried as the crossbow launched a giant shrimp at one of the students.

No sooner had the prawn hit a student, the entire student body started flinging food at one another. Clumps of sloppy meals were launched into the air as a sort of bizarre ballistic. Children stood on the tables, clutching the edible projectiles, laughing with maniacal glee.

The only ones that didn't partake of the bizarre ritual were Dib, Zim, Gaz and a twitchy kid.

"Analyzing…" Zim muttered. "Food Fight appears to be a normal ritual, must join in." Zim's right arm immediately transformed into a blaster.

"Look everyone! His arm just turned into a blaster! That means he's an alien!" Dib pointed out.

The twitchy kid started to talk. "We-well if-f your arm tu-turning into a a food b-b-laster is alien-li-li-esque." The kid jumped on his table and put a food cannon on his arm. "THEN I GUESS WE AIN'T THAT DIFFERENT AFTER ALL!" the twitchy kid leaped off the table and started firing wildly at Zim and Dib. Time seemed to slow as the 2 bolts of pure meat-by-product flew towards their intended targets.

(Enter bullet-time/Matrix slow motion)

Seeing the projectile heading his way, Zim slammed his fist on the table with considerable force. The shockwave caused the plates of food on the table to jump into the air in reflex. Zim raised his blaster arm and pushed the button marked "reload". The blaster sucked in the mid-air food, and a screen on the blaster lit up with the word "full". He immediately dodged the blast in true Matrix-esque fashion. Dib wasn't so lucky as he entered the slow-motion-impact-phase of being hit. (Complete with multiple camera angles.)

(End bullet-time/Matrix slow motion)

Zim used his now-loaded arm to blast a few kids, including the twitchy one. With gusto he shot a number of food flinging adolescents. Behind him, a lunch box started to shake and the Ninjurai burst out of his hiding place (literally) and took a deep breath before letting out a contended sigh. This was how a battle should be fought! He thought. Warriors fighting one another for supremacy, liquids of sweat and blood…I mean tomato sauce dotting the ground, soldiers in dire combat, doom hailing from the skies on a desolate battlefield. Where blades clash, heroes are made, and dreams of glory were fulfilled. The warrior unsheathed his sword. "Zim!" he called out. The irken turned his head in response. "I challenge you to a fight to the death! Prepare yourself!" the Samuinja raised his sword and charged at Zim. They engaged in combat. Zim would fire various foods at him, but the samurai deflected these with ninja like grace. Though when he tried to slash Zim in half, the invader nimbly jumped out of the way. "_Hmmm…this is quite a battle." _the warrior thought.

"_Man, what's with this kid and his toy sword?"_ Zim pondered as he dodged another sword swipe. "_He's kind of big, I wonder if he was held back. This is getting kind of strange…better finish him off."_ Zim made a pressed a few keys on his arm and aimed it at the slashing swordsman. "Boom." Zim fired a huge…meat loaf at the rowdy bushido.

Now usually, this would not have affected the hybrid much. But when the meat loaf hit it's mark, the result was a critical blow. Some of it got into the warrior's mouth, and the greasiness of the beef and the low grade quality of the meal started a horrible sensation in his mouth. It made him want to commit hara-kiri twice over. He felt horrible…really horrible…seriously it was like his stomach was about to explode…and that's horrible. He coiled into a fetal position. "This vile food has poisoned me…" he chocked. "Must have rice…or sushi…to get the toxins out of my intestines…" he slowly uncoiled and pointed at Zim in accusation. "You win this…ohhh…the meat…this round irken…but just you wait! I'll get you back!" the Samuinja threw a smoke bomb on the ground and clutching his stomach, ran out of the cafeteria. Zim scratched his head in confusion. Then he casually shrugged and proceeded to participate in the Food Fight.

(The Teachers' Lounge)

Mr. Elliot gazed in horror at the surveillance screens that showed the ongoing food fight. "Shouldn't we stop them?" he asked the other teachers.

The other teachers looked at the screens with a little concern. "Nah." They all said in unison.


	6. Da Porkanator Vs The Ninjurai or Samuinj...

Ch. 6 Da Porkanator vs. The Ninjurai/Samuinja vs. Zim

Author Note: This is it, the Big Fight! Hope the last 5 chapters have prepared you for one of the strangest battles yet.

Time: After Skool

Place: In front of Zim's house

Planet: Earth (duh!)

Zim pressed a few buttons on a handheld remote controller. He hummed this catchy song as he did so;

_Gonna destroy the humans,_

_Gonna destroy their entire race,_

_Gonna do stuff later,_

_Like stuff-ing my face!_

Okay…it may not have been the most human-friendly song in the world. But it was catchy nonetheless. Zim continued to fiddle around with the device for another 5 minutes. "GIR, come out here."

A rumbling noise could be heard as a huge drilling machine emerged from the ground. A door on it's side opened and GIR jumped out of it. After GIR had left it, the machine started to burrow back into the ground. "Bye, Goodbye, Bye!" GIR waved at the descending drill. A minute later, it was gone. GIR turned to face Zim. "HIIIII!"

"Wow, were those a bunch of mole men?" Zim asked.

"Yeah! They were real nice!" Gir shouted out with glee.

"Cool. GIR, contact all my sidekicks and have them meet me here." Zim commanded.

"Okay!" GIR ran into the house and a few minutes later all of Zim's sidekicks were on the front lawn: Minimoose, the Roboparents and of course GIR. Though Zim felt there was someone missing.

"GIR…I told you to get all my sidekicks." Zim reminded. "Where is the computer?"

"I am the house." The computer voice answered.

"Oh, okay. Well I suppose you're all wondering why you're here." Zim paused for a minute, waiting for a reply. But his sidekicks just stared at him. "Well I would like you all to see my latest and by far most destructive creation: Da Porkanator." As if on cue, a huge robotic cyborg burst from Zim's house and landed in front of the irken. The robot had huge, beefy arms, small hoofed feet, massive spiked shoulders, a metallic pig mask, and had the most wonderfully evil magenta paint job. "Yes, Da Porkanator is a living, wheezing engine of doom. It runs on pure mayhem, meaning the more it destroys, the more powerful it gets. It's armed with missile-shooting shoulders, laser snorter, force field, and it's two Pummelermatic fists. However, it's armor isn't that strong, but it shouldn't falter against this planet's defenses." After he explained it's capabilities Zim looked up at the sky and sighed. "For some reason I'm beginning to wonder if I should've become a super hero and gotten my own comic book. This planet has been my home for the past 4 months. I've grown quite fond of it." A small sign of compassion and love appeared on Zim's face. "Oh, well. Porkanator, destroy the humans." It passed…

Da Porkantor roared and trudged a few steps forward. But halted at the sight of a disgruntled samurai. The Samuinja/ Ninjurai had just returned from the sushi bar and now stood poised to attack Zim. The hybrid fighter was decked in Samurai armor, but wore a ninja mask and had two sheathed swords on his side. Oh yeah, he also had a very angry expression on his face. "Zim!" he shouted. "I've come to settle this once and for all!"

A few awkward moments of silence passed. "For my last good deed to this planet, I will have Da Porkanator destroy this insane human. Porkanator please destroy him." Da Porkanator grunted and lunged at the Samuinja. The warrior jumped a small distance away from Da Porkanator and slashed at the robot. But the blow bounced off the machine's protective force field. Da Porkanator attempted to punch the Ninjurai. The warrior dodged it with ease.

The fight continued in this way. Da Porkanator would try to pummel the Samuinja, and the warrior would nimbly dodge. The Samuinja tried to slash the monstrosity, and the force field held on. Da Porkanator fired a barrage of missiles at it's target. The Ninjurai quickly used a ninja bomb to detonate the missiles before they reached him. Then Da Porkanator fired a bolt of energy from it's nose but missed. This gave the samurai ample time to throw some magnetic shuriken at the beast. The shuriken disintegrated the force field leaving the Da Porkanator defenseless. In an act of desperation Da Porkanator slammed both of it's beefy fists on the ground, causing a shockwave. The Ninjurai jumped, avoiding the attack and cut Da Porkanator with both swords. A huge explosion followed and the Samuinja emerged unscathed and slowly started to walk to Zim. "Now it is your turn!" The Samuinja screamed and immediately ran forward, blades raised, at Zim.

Zim felt a few jolts of anger coarse through him, but didn't to show them. "GIR, please take everyone into the house."

"I don't wanna!" GIR cried.

Zim turned to Minimoose. "Minimoose please take the sidekicks into the house. Oh, and throttle GIR."

"Squeak!" Minimoose put the Roboparents into the house and tackled GIR.

The Samuinja raised his blades and did a downward slash at Zim's head. The attack connected, but nothing happened. The blow had merely severed the irken's toupee, but did nothing more. The Ninjurai was shocked. "What…I don't understand."

"Actually it's quite simple after you've studied a few volumes on the density and durability of theoretical metals." Zim explained.

"What?"

"Just hold that pose." Zim punched the warrior in the face and sent him flying.

The Samuinja groaned at having been dealt such a blow. And his anger and eagerness only increased at the prospect of having such a powerful opponent. "_Such power! He took that slash as if were nothing! Maybe he is using a forcefield."_ The Ninjurai quickly threw a few of his magnetic shuriken at the invader. Zim raised his gloved hand and seemingly created a force field out of thin air and it repelled the shuriken. The Samuinja, confused, but determined once again attempted to slash at Zim. But received, yet another knuckle sandwich for his troubles. The warrior attacked again and again but all his assaults had the same effect: Nothing…Na-dah…none. As the "fight" progressed the Ninjurai's armor became crumpled and he was greatly wounded. Zim, however was not hurt in the slightest and yawned as he deflected yet another attack. "_This isn't working!"_ the Samuinja thought. "_If this keeps up, I will be 160 before I inflict even the smallest of cuts on his mighty frame. But perhaps I could…yes…it's risky…but what choice do I have?"_

The warrior held up his remaining sword (the other broke due to overuse) and began chanting. "_This shall require all my energy!" _he thought. "_But by the spirits of my ancestors I shall conquer!"_ Volts of energy coursed through the blade and it's color turned a hot pink. He sheathed the sword and getting into battle stance once again, rushed at Zim. "Ultimate Technique!" he shouted as he unsheathed his remaining blade. "LOTUS SLASH!" the hot pink blade hit Zim and released a bolt of energy that sent Zim crashing through the house's door.

He had done it. The Ninjurai thanked the heavens for his well-earned victory. Now all that was required was for him to enter Zim's house and claim the irken's corpse as proof of his now accomplished mission. He slowly dragged himself inside of his enemy's home, expecting to see the limp form of his now vanquished foe. But was shocked to see Zim standing without a hint of fatigue in his stance. Even more bizzare was that the right side of Zim's face was torn off to reveal a red cybernetic eye and metallic skin. (Think The Terminator from Judgement Day kinda look) "WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE!"a fierce voice boomed from above. A split second later a platform descended from the ceiling, and on it was something that nearly drove the Ninjurai mad. It was...another Zim.


	7. A MagiZim Never Reveals His Tricks

Ch.7 A MagiZim Never Reveals His Tricks

Author Note: Well, this is the last chapter of the "Code of the Ninjurai or Samuinja." We've had some laughs along the way, and I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed my story. If time allows, I'm planning to create an Invader Zim/The Mask crossover. Once again, thanks to all who read this tale. And now, on with the show. P.S. Please review.

The bounty hunter stared in silent horror. There were two Zims in front of him. TWO ZIMS! One of them had part of his face torn off and looked like some sort of cyborg. While the one on the platform looked incredibly sick and had a hot water bottle on his head, a thermometer was in his mouth and was covered in a blanket. For a few long seconds, all were silent. Well except for the other Zim… "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" he stared at the Samuinja with sickly eyes. "YOU! BADLY DRESSED DIRT-CREATURE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE HOUSE OF ZII-IIMM!"

"Bladerluh, adebulught, gigihutruek, bidibidibidibidibidi, wuh-huh-huh." the Ninjurai babbled in reply.

The other Zim stared in annoyance at the warrior. "Fine, gibberish-speaking crazy guy. I'll just ask someone who knows how to speak in complete sentences." The sick Zim turned to the cyborg Zim. "RoboZim, what happened? Why all the commotion? Don't you know I'm working on a cure for my horrible present condition? What's wrong with you?"

"Sir, in order: an intruder assaulted me and in the ensuing fight he knocked me into the house. The commotion was caused by the battle. Yes I do know you're working very hard at finding a cure. And diagnostics show that I'm 100 fine and nothing is wrong with me." RoboZim saluted.

"Okay…I'm just going to go back up and…Wait a minute!" Zim pointed to the fallen Ninjurai. "Who's that guy? ANSWER! Answ-er!"

"He is the intruder that assaulted me; scans indicate that he is from the Samurai planet but has some Ninja DNA. He is of minimum threat but he managed to destroy Da Porkanator." RoboZim replied.

"Oh, oka-What!" Zim shouted. "He destroyed Da Parkanator? How?"

"Well, I believe that the sub-standard armor you installed it with was responsible." RoboZim answered.

"Hrrr…Obviously it couldn't be my design." Zim snapped at his doppelganger. "That intruder must be in cahoots with the evil bran sack (who poisoned me) yesterday. They must be an elite team of bounty hunters out for my head!"

"Actually…I was the bran sack." The Samuinja confessed.

"What? Then you shall feel twice my doomy wrath!" Zim clenched his fist to emphasize his point. "RoboZim, destroy him!"

"Yes sir!" RoboZim pulled out an incredibly large energy blaster and pointed it at the Ninjurai.

"Wait, before you destroy me…please tell me what's going on." The warrior begged. "Please." He started to cry.

Zim was disgusted to see a grown Samurai…Ninja…whatever he was, cry. "Alright, alright stop blubbering I hate to see a grown Samurai…Ninja…whatever you are cry." Zim stroked his chin. "So I suppose I could grant that last request."

(Enter flashback sequence.)

(Zim narrating.)

But we have to go back…back…back…a little more…wait that's too back! Just a little forward…there.

2 weeks ago after another brain-draining day of horrible Skool, I was curios to know if I could use a robotic double of myself to take my stead. Allowing me to utilize the entire 24 hours of an Earth day to plan it's downfall. Using multiple sources…

(Flashback: Zim is talking to Vortian Prisoner 777)

Zim and 777 looked at each other for a while. "Can I have a robotic duplicate of myself?"

The bored 777 replied. "Yeah, sure, whatever."

(End Flashback)

I was able to scour enough materials to create a near indestructible duplicate of myself. Everything seemed perfect, it looked just like the amazing me. But despite it being designed by the amazing ME, there was one major flaw.

"Hello." RoboZim smiled cheerfully.

It has no covert capabilities, whatsoever. It would use a laser to try and destroy a fly if it thought that was normal. So I locked it up and used the left over materials to create Da Porkanator.

(End Zim narration)

"So, thanks to you I had to use RoboZim to go to school, and activate Da Porkanator to DESTROY ALL HUMAN LIFE! BWAHAHAH-cough-cough!" Zim wheezed. "But thanks to you, my plan has hit a snag. So now that I've fulfilled you're dying wish…"

"But I'm not dying…" the Ninjurai interrupted.

"SILENCE! RoboZim destroy him!" Zim commanded. RoboZim charged up the energy blaster…

"Wait! I shall save you the trouble!" the Samuinja took his remaining sword and aimed it at his own stomach. "Mighty irken Zim, truly you are the mightier warrior. I was a fool to think I could defeat a being of your great intellect." The warrior praised. "You foresaw your own downfall and prepared accordingly. Thus even with the deadly disease manifesting in your INTESTINES you still proceed to fight! Such integrity deserves a reward." He removed a vial from his belt and threw it to Zim. "That is an antidote for the poison."

Zim picked up the vial and analyzed it closely. "Thanks, but I already found an antidote."

"WHAT?"

"Hmmphh…it isn't rocket science, the cure for that poison you gave me was discovered years ago. Wake up, we're living in 'modern times'" Zim mocked.

"Such wit, like I said I too foresaw my own downfall and prepared as well. As you know, I am from the Samurai planet, and it is customary that when a Samurai fails, he is required to commit hara-kiri."

"Is that some sort of vegetable?" Zim asked.

The Ninjurai was unsure how to answer such a stupid question. "Errr…No, Master Zim. It is when I kill myself by stabbing myself in the stomach. Here I go…see you in the next world…Zim." Eyes closed, the warrior lifted his blade, pointed to his gut and…

"STOP!" Zim ordered. "Stop your insane ritual! The Almighty Zim is not without mercy!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, and the fact that I don't want your guts spilling on to my new carpet. So maybe we can strike a bargain." Zim said. "I'll pretend that you succeeded…"

"You'll let me kill you?"

"What? No! I mean we can pretend I was freakishly injured and you did an okay job." Zim suggested. "That way no one will know how badly I beat you!"

"_Such a generous offer!" _the Ninjurai thought. _"But the Samurai part of me wats me to ignore his offer and finish myself off. Yet the Ninja part of me wants to accept this compromise…well, I love my mom more so..." _the Ninjurai put his sword on the ground and asked. "What's the catch?"

"Well, I glad you see it my way. First, who sent you? Tell me! TELL ME!"

"I apologize most honorable Zim, but due to conduct, I cannot tell you the identities of my employers." The warrior apologized.

"Hrrrr…curse you con-duck , curse you!" Zim screamed in anger. "I will find those pigs that sent this assassin after me! You hear that pigs? I will find yyyyyoooooouuuuuuuuuuu!"

"I like pigs!" Gir piped in.

(Lightyears away…)

On the Massive the Almighty Tallest were in heated argument.

"I'm telling you, that guy we sent to whack Zim was a Samuinja!" Tallest Purple shouted.

"And I'm telling you he was a Ninjurai!" Tallest Red shot back.

"He was a Samuinja!"

"Oh, please. When you hire someone to kill the biggest pest in the Irken Empire, you should at least get his name right."

"I still think he was a Samuinja!"

"Ninjurai!"

"Um, sirs?" an irken communication officer said weakly.

"WHAT!" both tallest asked him fiercely.

The communications officer gulped. "Th-there's a-uh signal coming, from, from." The officer stuttered.

"From where?" the Tallest loomed.

"From, from Earth." The communications officer finished.

"It can't be!" the Tallest shuddered in fear.

The screen in front of them flickered with life, showing an image of a bandaged Zim reading from a notecard. "I apologize for not calling earlier, my Tallest. I had to put all these bandages on to help sooth the savage pain? Savage pain? Geez how corny can this guy get?"

"Um, Zim. By any chance did anyone try to kill you over the past 3 days." Tallest Red asked,

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Did he injure you in the slightest?"

Zim picked up another notecard. "Yes, so great is my agony that I-I I can't read this part, it's all smudged."

"Are you really injured?" Tallest Purple asked.

Zim hurriedly took another card from his pocket. "Yes, my pain is so great that…Man that bounty hunter's handwriting is horrible! I can barely read this thing!"

"Zim, was he more of a Samuinja or a Ninjurai?"

"I'd say he was more of a Samuinja."

Purple shot a triumphant glance at Red. Red was clearly irritated at having lost the argument to his co-ruler. "Speaking of which, did he tell you who sent him?" Red asked nervously.

"No, he couldn't tell me because of some kind of con-duck or something." a small look of relief appeared on the Tallest' faces. It didn't last long… "But make no mistake my Tallest! As soon as I find that worm (or worms) that put a price on my head, I shall not rest until his entire planet is destroyed, his species annihilated, and the last thing they see will be my laughing on the burnt remains of their capital! BWAHAHAHAHA! See you later!" Zim signed off.

But the Tallest didn't reply. They were too busy imagining Zim laughing on the burnt remains of their capital.

(Back on Earth)

The Samuinja was now in a mailbox disguise, watching, waiting for his prey. He was in no rush however. "_This mission will be much easier, much easier."_ He recalled when Zim had given him the job.

(Flashback)

Zim was giving the Ninjurai commands. "I'll put these bandages on and read these notecards of yours when someone asks me about my injuries. But in return you must hunt down someone for me." He said with a grin.

"And who would that be, most benevolent employer?" the warrior asked, eager to begin his new quest.

Zim smiled. "Well there's this big-headed boy…"

The End?

Author Note: Thanks a million, please review. Hope you enjoyed!


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